IS HE THE ONE

Don’t say “I do” before reading this…seriously - By Cori Howard

Ask any woman: worth her gold to cocktail parties and dinner dates, and she’ll tell you that, while finding a match is one thing, quite another is figuring out if No.14 you met at speed dating more than a year ago is indeed the guy for you. Sure your taste in music and movies is compatible, you love cooking together, and you’ve talked politics and know what kind of relationship he has with his family. He can even hold his own at a dinner party with your ragtag team of friends.

  Not to get too Carrie Bradshaw here, but is he really the guy for you? And how can a girl go about finding that out?

  We’ve got two words for you: marriage prep. But don’t let that phrase scare you off. Think enriching your relationship, not necessarily taking the first step toward choosing a bouquet and hiring a DJ. After all, who has time to waste not finding out until years down the road that the guy you’re sexually attracted to, who has a successful career and a good relationship with his mom actually wants to retire at age 40 and travel the world on a shoestring? How hanged are your values—really?

  We all know this isn’t conversation you toss out over sashimi one right. You want to explore these topics, but you don’t want to explore these topics, but you don’t want to burn them into insurmountable issues that erode your communication or, worse, derail your relationship altogether. And that’s where marriage prep classes come in.

  Mostly, these courses are for couples that, if they’re not already engaged, are thinking long term. Some couples get to that point in six months. For others, it may take six years. The courses—which can range from a one-day $100 program to a weekend retreat costing nearly $1,000 are open to couples in any phase of their relationship, but marriage-prep teachers find it’s predominantly attracting couples on the verge of making the big decision: this is my life partner—wedding included, or not. As one Richmond, B.C., therapist/teacher, Benno Dreger, says: “I find I mostly see couples coming after the disillusionment sets in. They are wondering where the person they thought they had met has gone. And they want to find that person again.”

What started as a mandatory religious practice has now gone mainstream. Secular courses are proliferating across Canada, with one Toraonto therapist, Brian Murray, seeing as many as 800 couples a year.”We get some referrals from the clergy,” says Murray, a Toraonto marriage and family therapist and former pastor,” but, more and more, couples are being referred by friends.”